Many years ago I wore pantyhose and tights. When I say many, I mean more than a decade ago. I moved to South Carolina in 1998 and realized that if Hell were a city, I lived in the suburb next to it. It. Is. Hot!!! So the days of my pantyhose and tights were over.
Normally South Carolina winters are very mild and the worst month is usually February for frigid temps. Contrary to one Al Gore and his Global Warming agenda, this winter has been horribly cold which led me to Target to buy some tights (and boots). I perused the aisles and finally decided that I would buy some purple tights and thus began the horrifying deliberation of sizing. Oh how dreadful figuring out what size you wear on those stupid little packages. Finally I selected the size proportionate to my height/weight/girth… LOL…
Upon my return home I opened the package and was dumbfounded. Positively and completely dumbfounded. What in THE WORLD am I supposed to do with these?
I contemplated laying on the bed and wrestling them on like a wild and angry bear and visualizing my defeat once they refused to go any higher than my knees. Surely, these tights were not packaged correctly and they were supposed to be for a tall 7th grader?
Not the case.
So, I stared at my $5 Target purchase and tried to think of ways I could defy science and get them on… I visualized me wrestling around on my bed tugging and pulling and huffing and puffing and sweat rolling down my red face while thinking unladylike words trying to get the tights on.
I finally give up and settled on the fact that this winter I will have some cold legs because CLEARLY Target was misinformed in their size charts for the …. ummm….. errr….. voluptuous, thick-up, fluffy, big-boned, chunky, thin-challenged, polar opposite of skinTy woman… LOL
I kept thinking of the song, ‘Fat Guy in a Little Coat’…. LOL!!!
Oh dear! Please try our warm and cozy tights from Italy. The quality is so much better than Target (!) and I promise you won’t be wrestling to get them on http://www.coccolareboutique.com/index.php?p=products&req=dept&id=1
those look like “Ted Hose” i have to put on patients to prevent blood pooling the legs!
FUNNY!!!!!!
OH…..MY…..GOSH!!!!! I am rolling on the floor!!! I pull this up at the end of my school day and am rolling laughing on the floor. The 4th graders in my class are like, what? I just don’t even know what to say. I wish I could’ve been there to see u open up that package. I truly enjoyed this picture. Truly! I just have no more words. I love it! Only you can put a laugh in me like that. I love it! I’m glad I’m not the only one who buys things like this and wonder what toothpick sized it. Surely not someone with any….curves….. like myself. I appreciated your misfortune.